The last month has been challenging. The weather has mostly been cold and rainy, which is not a thing I’m used to after nearly two decades of living in the sunny Southwest US. It’s also been occurring to me that I’d edging closer to hitting the year mark of moving to Mexico, which is profoundly depressing to me.
By far, it’s been the deepest depression I’ve experienced since going off psychiatric medication and doing ayahuasca. Even with the extraordinary amount of tools I have and a slew of health habits, I just don’t think I’ll be happy until I’m in my car crossing over the US border. This is literally the moment I fantasize about fifty times a day.
Thirty-nine days ago I started doing the Subagh Kriya, a kundalini yoga practice that’s meant to call in prosperity. I’ve never gotten super deep into kundalini yoga, but one of my favorite teachers was very into it and I’d occasionally go to her kundalini classes.
My experience has been that approximately 95% of things that people recommend to me as being “amazing,” and “life-changing,” are things that I feel absolutely no benefit from. So when I tried kundalini and experienced noticeable internal shifts, as well as feeling extra magnetic to positive things after I did it, I made a mental note of that.
Kundalini yoga is a bit different in that it’s less exercise-y and more focused on opening up your energetic channels. You’re doing mostly a lot of repetitive movements and chants that are supposed to open up pathways. There are specific kriyas that you’re supposed to do for a certain amount of days to lock in energetic changes in your body and align you with what you want.
You may recall from when I talked about astrocartography that in California I lived on a highly spiritual, magical Neptune line but now live on a nightmarish Jupiter-Pluto line. With that in mind, the longest I’d ever done a Subagh Kriya in California was 7 days. In that time I’d experienced so many positive, serendipitous things, including new jobs and new relationships, that I didn’t feel like I needed to go any further. But here, in Satan’s playground where even God fears to tread, I’ve experienced only the faintest shadows of potential jobs, despite doing it for 39 days.
This might be a good time to mention that there’s been a lot of doubt thrown on kundalini yoga. The creator of it, Yogi Bhajan, has been accused of coercing and abusing several of his female followers. And some of the people who followed all of his teachings considered it a cult. It’s not a great look. And yet the entire thing forces me to consider my own experiences and values.
First, I believe that unseen energetic forces have some effect on our bodies and daily lives because it’s been demonstrated to me over and over throughout my life. I think there’s a variety of ways you can move energy in your body, but that movement and chanting are especially good at it. I don’t claim to know exactly what those movements or chants should be, so I’m open to the idea that someone from a culture who does understand those things would know.
Is it possible that Yogi Bhajan is someone who understands how to work with energy in a way that can noticeably change peoples’ lives AND be a predatory piece of shit? Yeah, I think so. Similarly, I think the Clintons are predatory pieces of shit who still know way more about how high-level politics work than most people. Sometimes people who know a lot are pieces of shit and as long as I don’t have to give money to them or sing their praises, I feel like I should be able to take the parts that work and forget about the creator completely.
It reminds me of when I was growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness. So many aspects of the religion are purely about indoctrination and manipulation, and yet, when I get really radically honest with myself, there are small aspects of their way of life that just WORK. Like having a like-minded community of about 100-150 people that you see several times a week and that you raise your kids with and can rely on like family. That actually seems pretty nice and healthy compared to the relatively isolated, community-less lives most people lead.
Also, all the praying we had to do several times a day used to seem crazy to me, but now I kinda feel like prayer is essentially a form of meditation. Going inward a few times a day to get really present and centered with yourself actually seems like a good thing. As long as you leave out the part about praying for the end of the world to come and all the weird biblical jargon, then it actually seems sort of healthy and nice!
Anyway, take what works for you and leave what doesn’t. And maybe the Subagh Kriya doesn’t work for me. Maybe it’s all a placebo effect and just the act of participating in this daily ritual makes me believe something prosperous is about to come into my life. Then maybe something comes as a result of me believing that and it has nothing to do with the kriya. I actually don’t care what part of it was the thing that made it work, I just care that anything works at all.
When anything works, that’s a miraculous event in my book.
Whatever gets me out of Mexico and back into the US will be my next God.
Maybe it’s a kriya, or maybe it’s an alien bug that releases venom into my bloodstream that grants me special powers. I don’t give a fuck. Just get me out already.
I just found your profile on a crappy dating site where no one can reply because it's a demoralization psyop, so I reverse image searched one of your pics and ended up here. Anyway, I wouldn't have gone through the effort if I didm't suspect that you're tribe, and may be stuck in Satan's sphincter, otherwise known as Phoenix, so the need to get crafty and reach out felt urgent. You may be interested in a project of mine called ProtoTribal. It's a pretty unique strategy to creating tribe and community and helping Nature grow natural foods that can operate outside of a collapsing civilization. Civilized to Death meets Antifragile kind of thing. Sorry to be so blunt, but if your profile there and writings here are authentic, you are one in many many millions and I'd love to make you some Masaman curry and talk your ear off.