After a months-long wait, I had a much-anticipated appointment with a new health practitioner this week who I’ll be working with for the foreseeable future. This appointment, more than any others, felt like a pivotal moment in my life. It’s made me reflect on just how much my understanding of health and healthcare has changed as I’ve weathered a multitude of chronic issues for which no one has had answers.
That deep feeling that something was wrong with me, my body, and brain has been around as far back as I can remember. I went from doctor to doctor with complaints about my period or chronic fatigue or panic attacks, and each time they’d put me on some sort of medication that would make me far worse. Yet, I just kept thinking if I found the right doctor, someone who understood, I could be cured.
Throughout my 20s, my health issues grew far beyond just bad periods and anxiety. I was met with virtually every health problem you can think of and experienced a handful of “health crises” in which my body and some organs just shut down for unknown reasons. I went to the best doctors and specialists and none of them had any answers outside of putting me on medication that I’d need to be on for the rest of my life.
In my mid-to-late 20s I started exploring naturopathic and holistic medicine, who seemed to at least have some interest in looking at my body as a whole and seeking out the root cause of the illness. While this form of treatment definitely saved my quality of life and gave me options that were vastly better than Western medicine, it still felt as though we weren’t getting to the bottom of why this was all happening to me, a young person who took exceptional care of her health.
Around the third or fourth time I did ayahuasca I was shown a vision of me dying in a hospital bed while I was still quite young and was told that this would be my destiny unless I aggressively sought out someone who could help me. It even showed me a map of the world and then lit up a handful of little pinpricks of light scattered across North America and Europe denoting just how few people in existence would truly be able to help me. I panicked seeing this, feeling like it would be the equivalent of finding a needle in a haystack. Yet the message was clear: you can either waste your time panicking and end up dying young or you can get to work finding them.
In many more plant medicine journeys I had after that I would get more context on what was happening inside of me. Each one opened me up to a different concept that I would then go learn more about and feel like I was putting more pieces of the puzzle together.
Where I am today is in a place of complete acceptance that 100% of the health issues I’ve suffered from for most of my life are due to traumatic events and energetic patterns of disease passed down through my lineage. This is an idea that I never would’ve entertained ten years ago when I dreamed of being fixed by “normal doctors.” But at this point, I can definitively say that there are no areas of medicine that I have not explored in my efforts to heal myself, and this is what I’ve found to be the truest.
While this is something I’ve known for a while, it’s taken me a bit more time to figure out what to do with that information. In my experience, the mind is much easier and faster to heal than the body. My mind can move, transcend, forgive, and get over things incredibly fast, while the energy in my body feels slow and dense AF. I can honestly say my mind feels completely unburdened by the past, yet for some reason my body can’t let go of seemingly anything. Even after daily mediation, energy work, breathwork, many shamanic healings, years of plant medicine, a multitude of bodywork techniques and trauma release work, my body is still “keeping the score” to an obnoxious degree.
In the first five minutes of my appointment with the new health practitioner I met this week, she said, “I’ve read your health history and I want you to know that you’re not going to be the first person out of the thousands I’ve treated who this isn’t going to work for. You’re not beyond help.”
She specializes in exactly what I’m going through. Slowly peeling back the energetic layers of pain and trauma in the body until they and all their physical symptoms are gone for good.
Despite all we talked about during the appointment, those were the words that I can’t get out of my head three days later. You’re not beyond help. After decades of trying everything and feeling like nothing worked, or at least not to the degree that I wanted it to, I felt like I finally have hope for the potential eradication of every health malady that has plagued me.
The process may take some time but after speaking to one of her former patients who has had a complete reversal of all chronic pain and multiple significant illness symptoms (that’s lasted for over two years since being treated), I’m feeling very optimistic.
Going to keep details private for now until I start to see some measurable changes.
Here’s hoping for a future newsletter on how it all worked out. 🤞