I’d had this idea floating around that I wanted to write about regarding what healing deep pain looks like. In the process of writing it, I had hundreds of different thoughts that tried to stop me. The first was that it seems really arrogant to present oneself as being “healed.” Who do I think I am?
Yeah, I do think I have healed many (but not all) deep wounds that used to control my life, primarily through the use of ayahuasca, mushrooms, and meditation. I believe that to be true because I don’t live with the same heavy mental burden, the obsessive coping mechanisms, and even in my darkest times, my brain is just a vastly chiller place to be than it was for most of my life. And yet, claiming “healed” status feels so… cringe. Just, ugh, ew.
Something I’ve become acutely aware of on my journey is that the more important something is to the evolution of your soul, the more it will destroy you if you don’t do it.
For me, that’s sharing the process I’ve gone through over the last few years and the process I continue to go through. Not because I want recognition for being special but because I cannot believe it was even possible that I got from where I was to where I am now. To feel safe and stable in my own head is the ultimate achievement.
I struggle with what to share and how to share it but my goal remains the same: I want more people to be here with me so we can pool our insights and collectively get WAY more people out of terrible situations. This is the vision I hold onto that gets me through my own cringe insecurities. I don’t care how stupid or desperate or TMI anything I write looks because for every cringey thing I write, I average at least one message from a stranger who says they tried psychedelics and it changed their life.
Anyway, I feel like there is so much emphasis on how to heal and the healing process, but rarely much is said about what comes after healing. What it feels like to detach from your pain and then be revisited by similar painful situations again.
Read it here on Medium, if you’d like.
I’m also in the process of writing something for people who have fears about doing psychedelics and would like to ease into altered state work. Stay tuned for that as I hope to have it out soon.