The storms in Central Mexico have been nonstop lately. Virtually every single day there’s been a couple of hours of sun followed by rain, lightning, and thunder. Yesterday I was washing dishes and saw the brightest flash of lighting I’ve ever seen in my life directly in front of me in the kitchen window accompanied by an earthquake-like shake and a sound so deafening I definitely peed a little. It felt exactly like what I imagine a nuclear bomb would be like except all my skin didn’t fall off.
To be honest, everything feels like a borderline spiritual experience here. I’ve had so, so many intense, mind-bending experiences here that I feel like I’m in another reality most of the time. In some ways this lightning strike felt like God saying, BAM, remember nothing is random, bitch You’re here for a reason. And I’m just washing dishes like, I know, God. Please stop sending me so many signs. I’m so tired and will do anything you want just to be close to a Trader Joe’s again.
In a way, I feel like I’m in a terrifying, energetic boot camp where I’m being forced to deprogram so many of the beliefs I’ve held that are holding me back. I felt like I had done so much while I was still in California but now I’m seeing that there’s so much more to go. The amount of layers I’ve unpeeled has seemed endless. Each one feeling massive enough to make me think, This is it. This was the lynchpin that was keeping me stuck. Then, somehow, more come. Meanwhile, I’m like, wow, all these massive realizations and yet I’m still not even a little bit closer to being near a Trader Joe’s. It’s kind of like God does not understand my priorities at all.
Anyway, this game that we’re in has levels and navigational tools that are far beyond what most people are aware of. I vacillate between wanting to share more on this as it’s happening and thinking I should at least wait until I can navigate my way out of hell. The tools are only valuable if they work.
Either this post is normal and makes total sense or being in such close proximity to lightning did something to my brain. Kind of leaning towards the latter. Either I’ll cringe reading this later or this is just who I am now and my new persona as perma-high-from-being-too-close-to-lightning girl will begin.
I was walking outside in a lightning storm in Texas when I was a teenager and within several seconds there were a few bolts of lightning close enough to me to appear to be 3-dimensional. I thought about it for a moment and decided I should go inside. I hope you have that Yossarian moment (an obscure reference, unless you've read Catch-22) and suddenly see a wormhole out of Mexico and back to Trader Joe's! Much love, joely
Hi Chelsea,
Just a thought after I read your lightning piece:
I don’t know if it was a “sign,” but I do think it had purpose.
Of course I think *everything* has purpose, or at least function. Since you took ayahuasca, I’m sure that one thing you might have picked up is that everything is way more complex than we can ever imagine. In fact, you stated that.
I mean, think of the most multilevel novel plot ever, or one of the most complicated musical pieces: It’s amazing humans can conjure that kind of stuff, but even our little paint chip of the cosmos is a billion times more involved and intricate, yet it seems to work is harmony, for the most part, except when humans mess things up. We are the only species out of sync with nature.
I believe that both options you stated can be true: The lightning did something to your brain and you are now the perma-high-from-being-too-close-to-lightning girl AND it all makes sense.
You’re definitely going through something. I am not enlightened and not one to offer unsolicited advice, but I will generally say this: I think God understands your priorities, but those priorities may not all be God’s. Living closer to Trader Joe’s is easy. Living closer to Trader Chelsea is a lot harder, but you are infinitely closer than most people, including me. And BTW, most people only listen to pain. And you’re further down the path than most. That I’m sure of.
Make friends with your wounds; as you know, pain can teach us a lot.
I wish you peace and courage.
Be gentle with yourself,
Geo